I’m Back in The Public Eye
And Here’s Where I Went Wrong The Last Time
If I’m being completely honest, sharing this content is a bit intimidating for me. It’s hard to admit to failing when so many eyes are looking at you and when a good amount of those eyes are expecting, and even hoping, for failure anyway. But that’s the truth of the matter. I was forced to take a few steps back a few months ago when life gut checked the shit out of me. I disappeared from the public eye to handle the whirlpool of garbage that was closing in on me. Before moving forward, I clearly owe you an explanation, so let me catch you up on what’s been going on for the past few months….
A few days after Christmas, I was admitted into Advent Behavioral Health Center. Now, you would think that this would be the conclusion to some mental breakdown, but that isn’t the case here. I went into the hospital for a tune-up. My anxiety and depression were beginning to overtake me, and I knew that I needed to step away for a bit. No, this story is a bit more complex than that and my time spent at the behavioral center is just a start.
After being released from the hospital, I knew that I needed to focus on my mental health and obtaining stable housing, so it was agreed upon that my children would stay with their father for a few weeks. My first decision was to temporarily close my business. The weight of it was beginning to crush me like a teenage girl at a Justin Beiber concert. By the way, if you’re this article years from now, this is a generational concept that you won’t understand. Anyway, I laid off my staff and closed out my projects. I closed accounts and put my files in storage. Then I mourned for the loss of something that meant so much to me for so long.
A few weeks later, on my birthday nonetheless, I was contacted by CPS and told that I needed to voluntarily surrender my children to the care of my grandmother in Austin or else they would be forcibly removed from me. While barely holding it together, I packed my children’s things and drove them an hour away. I pulled myself together and drove back home to the hotel that I was living in.
Two days later, while planning a small trip to my children to drop off a few of their things, I walked outside to my car being repossessed. Now, I was only three weeks behind in my payment after getting out of the hospital, however, I purchased the car from a Buy-Here, Pay-Here dealership, and they tend to be a lot less forgiving.
Now, here I am in my hotel with no children, no business to work on, and no vehicle. The fact that I managed to stay enrolled in school during this time while maintaining a 4.0 GPA is a miracle. Not to mention that Central Texas received the worst snowstorm seen in generations. Anyway, I wake up one morning to hear fire alarms going off. No panic, just grabbed my necessities and exited the building. I called up a friend and we went to grab something to eat while the problem was being handled. Now, the problem didn’t start until I returned to the hotel. That’s when management notified me that a pipe had burst due to the snow and the entire hotel had been condemned by the fire department. I had three hours to retrieve my belongings and exit the property, though I could expect a refund within the next 7–10 business days.
Are you keeping up so far? In a matter of two months, I was admitted and released from the hospital, my car was repossessed, I closed my business, the hotel that I was living at was condemned and my children were taken from me on my birthday. Not to mention the most random snowstorm to hit Texas since Google was founded. All caught up?
So where am I now? Glad you asked…
During this second wave of crisis that narrowed in on just me, I was able to see my situation from a new perspective. I decided to outline the areas that I went wrong so that I can reflect on them and improve my results in the future. Here’s what I came up with:
(1) I went at it alone. I handled my admin, finances, marketing, pr, content creation, legal, inventory, and any other task that needed to be completed. I handled transportation for my children, bills, parenting, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and any other task that needed to be completed. I went at absolutely everything alone. I’ve been privately putting together a team around me that will allow us to work together to achieve our individual and collective goals in both our personal and professional lives. I’ll introduce you to those wonderful souls at a later time.
(2) Listening to the wrong people. Mostly my family. A lesson I learned long ago was to trust my intention and always follow my own path. I’d lost this notion in the past year and I’ve printed out the quote “A woman cannot be comfortable without her own approval”. This now hangs in my bedroom as a daily reminder that if I make a decision, no one should be able to talk me out of it.
(3) Spreading myself too thin. I took on project, after project, after project, following a major event, and another project. For each project that I took on, my resources, time, and stress were all stretch thin.
(4) Not tracking my business finances. This one was probably the most dreadful, especially when it came time to file my taxes. Luckily, as all of this was going on, I completed my accounting class in college and now have the knowledge and software to maintain proper financial documents.
So, I am currently revamping and reopening my business and I’m preparing to release my autobiography in a few months. I’ve also recently acquired equity in a small, local business that I will be helping to build up. For the time being, these three will be the only main projects that I’ll be working on, and unfortunately, if anyone else needs anything, I’m simply going to have to say no at this time.
So now you’re all caught up. Keep checking in with me as I get my life back on track and don’t hesitate to reach out to me at any time.
